I recently learned the true meaning of the saying, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." My parents used to quote this to me all the time to remind me not to get my hopes up about something that hasn't happened yet. Easier said than done, yes?
I guess I am notorious for getting really excited and passionate about everything. If there's the possibility of an inspirational musician coming to the area, I get excited. If there's the possibility that I might help organize a youth event, I get excited. If there's the possibility that I maybe somehow could go somewhere exciting, I get excited.
And most recently, I got excited over a ministry here at Olivet.
I have very prayerfully been examining my motives for being apart of a worship team in college this entire summer; is this for me and my pride and fame, or for the glory of God? Am I in this to impress people, or to serve my Savior? As I felt a peace come on my heart in regards to sign ups this week, I began researching the different outbound ministries that Olivet has. I found one in particular that really seemed to match what I have been praying for for months.
Imagine how excited I became at the discovery of this ministry, and how much more prayer went into considering it! And then, imagine how crushed I became when I found out that auditions for this ministry aren't until the spring of next semester. After all of my praying and asking and being humbled, I have to wait?
"Patience, my child," God says. "I know what is best for you. I know your heart intimately and right now, this is where I want you."
So, today I acknowledge that when God starts teaching you, He never stops. He is teaching me humility, trust, love, gratefulness, and most recently, patience. God is in the business of changing lives, and I want mine to be changed. And today, that means that I must accept the opportunities He gives me and be patient for the ones that are to come. I'm excited.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
refreshing
There are a few really cool passages that I want to share today- passages that are connected by the theme of prayer and community in a unique way.
"So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses as ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were wining. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up- one on one side, one on the other- so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword...Moses built an altar and called it 'The Lord is my Banner'. He said, 'For hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord. The Lord will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation."
-Exodus 17:10-16
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
-Colossians 4:2-6
What would our earthly relationships look like if we lifted up each others' arms when we became weary, like Moses, Aaron and Hur? What would they look like if we were devoted to prayer? If we made the most of every opportunity and allowed conversations to be full of grace? I think we would find our relationships to be incredibly refreshing. I think we would become energized to pursue more relationships to spread the glory of God. I think we would create a network of believers that thrives on grace and love.
"So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses as ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were wining. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up- one on one side, one on the other- so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword...Moses built an altar and called it 'The Lord is my Banner'. He said, 'For hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord. The Lord will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation."
-Exodus 17:10-16
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
-Colossians 4:2-6
What would our earthly relationships look like if we lifted up each others' arms when we became weary, like Moses, Aaron and Hur? What would they look like if we were devoted to prayer? If we made the most of every opportunity and allowed conversations to be full of grace? I think we would find our relationships to be incredibly refreshing. I think we would become energized to pursue more relationships to spread the glory of God. I think we would create a network of believers that thrives on grace and love.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
conversation #1
My sister recently challenged me to journal in a bit of a different manner. The products were a huge realization and a whole lot of tears. I want to share a piece of this.
Me: God, I am nervous that my own abilities will not be enough to sustain me.
God: Child, your own abilities have never been and never will be enough to sustain you. Only I can sustain you and lift you up.
Me: I'm scared that I won't get to see my family.
God: Love, I have provided for you abundantly up to this point in time. I will continue to do so! I provide for those who fear Me.
Me: I'm scared of losing my friends.
God: Beloved, find in me your solace. Make me your refuge.
Me: I don't want to be consumed with violin this fall. I want to be consumed with You and with relationships.
God: Child, rest in me. Find peace in my arms and in my will. I have carried you this far; I will work everything else out too.
Me: I don't know how to fully trust You. I'm the most scared for this than I have been for anything else in my life.
God: I am right here with you, Kait. I take care of the sparrows and the lilies. Do you not remember how I have showed you my love? It is so great- even greater than my caring for the lilies. Do not worry! Don't freak out! I know what you need. If you worry, you are doubting my sovereign faithfulness and love. Trust me. Trusting me means casting all of your cares aside to follow the path that I have outlined for you. And your path right now, dear one, is to move to Colorado, go to ONU, and be apart of the orchestra there, regardless of the risks that you think seem to be there. Maybe I'll reveal pieces of my plan to you sometime, but for right now, hold tight. Trust in my love. Hold my hand. Feel my embrace. I love you more than you will ever comprehend. You are continually surrounded by my blessing, my fragrance, my faithfulness. Breathe it in. I'm always here. My love is strong- stronger than any human or man-made item. I am trustworthy and unfailing.
My prayer:
Father, let me trust You. I want to act on my faith and stop whining. This will be hard. This will hurt. But following You in the wake of Your love is so much more important than any human emotion.
Love,
Kait.
Me: God, I am nervous that my own abilities will not be enough to sustain me.
God: Child, your own abilities have never been and never will be enough to sustain you. Only I can sustain you and lift you up.
Me: I'm scared that I won't get to see my family.
God: Love, I have provided for you abundantly up to this point in time. I will continue to do so! I provide for those who fear Me.
Me: I'm scared of losing my friends.
God: Beloved, find in me your solace. Make me your refuge.
Me: I don't want to be consumed with violin this fall. I want to be consumed with You and with relationships.
God: Child, rest in me. Find peace in my arms and in my will. I have carried you this far; I will work everything else out too.
Me: I don't know how to fully trust You. I'm the most scared for this than I have been for anything else in my life.
God: I am right here with you, Kait. I take care of the sparrows and the lilies. Do you not remember how I have showed you my love? It is so great- even greater than my caring for the lilies. Do not worry! Don't freak out! I know what you need. If you worry, you are doubting my sovereign faithfulness and love. Trust me. Trusting me means casting all of your cares aside to follow the path that I have outlined for you. And your path right now, dear one, is to move to Colorado, go to ONU, and be apart of the orchestra there, regardless of the risks that you think seem to be there. Maybe I'll reveal pieces of my plan to you sometime, but for right now, hold tight. Trust in my love. Hold my hand. Feel my embrace. I love you more than you will ever comprehend. You are continually surrounded by my blessing, my fragrance, my faithfulness. Breathe it in. I'm always here. My love is strong- stronger than any human or man-made item. I am trustworthy and unfailing.
My prayer:
Father, let me trust You. I want to act on my faith and stop whining. This will be hard. This will hurt. But following You in the wake of Your love is so much more important than any human emotion.
Love,
Kait.
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