conversation #1

My sister recently challenged me to journal in a bit of a different manner. The products were a huge realization and a whole lot of tears. I want to share a piece of this.

Me: God, I am nervous that my own abilities will not be enough to sustain me.
God: Child, your own abilities have never been and never will be enough to sustain you. Only I can sustain you and lift you up.
Me: I'm scared that I won't get to see my family.
God: Love, I have provided for you abundantly up to this point in time. I will continue to do so! I provide for those who fear Me. 
Me: I'm scared of losing my friends.
God: Beloved, find in me your solace. Make me your refuge.
Me: I don't want to be consumed with violin this fall. I want to be consumed with You and with relationships.
God: Child, rest in me. Find peace in my arms and in my will. I have carried you this far; I will work everything else out too. 
Me: I don't know how to fully trust You. I'm the most scared for this than I have been for anything else in my life.
God: I am right here with you, Kait. I take care of the sparrows and the lilies. Do you not remember how I have showed you my love? It is so great- even greater than my caring for the lilies. Do not worry! Don't freak out! I know what you need. If you worry, you are doubting my sovereign faithfulness and love. Trust me. Trusting me means casting all of your cares aside to follow the path that I have outlined for you. And your path right now, dear one, is to move to Colorado, go to ONU, and be apart of the orchestra there, regardless of the risks that you think seem to be there. Maybe I'll reveal pieces of my plan to you sometime, but for right now, hold tight. Trust in my love. Hold my hand. Feel my embrace. I love you more than you will ever comprehend. You are continually surrounded by my blessing, my fragrance, my faithfulness. Breathe it in. I'm always here. My love is strong- stronger than any human or man-made item. I am trustworthy and unfailing. 


My prayer:
Father, let me trust You. I want to act on my faith and stop whining. This will be hard. This will hurt. But following You in the wake of Your love is so much more important than any human emotion. 


Love, 
Kait.