decisions

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; 

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord, 

and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the Lord; 

trust in him, and he will act. 

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, 

and your justice as the noonday...

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, 

when he delights in his way;

though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, 

for the Lord upholds his hand.

I have been young, and now am old, 

yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken 

or his children begging for bread. 

He is ever lending generously, 

and his children become a blessing...

The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, 

and his tongue speaks justice. 

The law of God is in his heart; 

his steps do not slip."

                          -Psalm 37, ESV

My favorite line in this, my current favorite psalm, is, "I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously." It's so true, isn't it?

So why do I doubt it? Why do I even for a second think that the Lord will forsake me or leave me begging for bread? 

I have some important decisions to make within the next few days. By this Monday, actually. These decisions, one in particular, are quite possibly the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. God is asking me if I trust him, if I have faith in the promises that he has made. 

Here is a prayer from my journal from a few days ago:

"Test me, O Lord. Pray away at my heart, bit by bit. And find me faithful. Find me true. Only You satisfy, and I can only realize that when I am right here, thirsty and hungry for the Living Water and for manna. 

All these trials and emotions will pass, sweet Jesus, and I will be left just to be with you for eternity. What a blessed thought. I couldn't want anything more. 

To be with you, Jesus, is life. To talk to you, Jesus, life. Knowing you, satisfaction. Trusting you, the greatest adventure that life offers. 

I want nothing more than this right here. You. From today on, even when I break down, I still long for only you. Because I acknowledge that everything that's messed up right now will soon be made right. Your glory and Kingdom will reign. Hallelujah! I eagerly await that day...

Breathe on me your fragrance and trust. Put a fire in my bones. I am no true disciple of you if I sit here claiming to want your Kingdom and yet not acting in your name. Direct my passion. You are the God of all gods and the Light among lights. You give life and you heal. What an amazing Father you are to those that love You."

May the Lord direct you and uphold your head. May he guide your path. May his will for your life be your will for your life because of how close you are to his heart. 

"Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way." -Psalm 25:8